I Found the Cave :)

Oct 7, 2005

I've had this baby cold for a while, I thought it was just going away. Then someone takes flu medicine, and it doesn't work...my cold gets worse. I'll take echinacea so that no one else catches it :)

For the first time in quite a while I slept until I woke up, no one woke me...So now I know, I need to be sick to be left alone when sleeping. Maybe I'll be sick more often :)

I guess I had very much to do there, so many dreams left unfinished...just laying around here and there. Well, really they were everywhere. Many are finished as well, but they are here too. All of these dreams I remember now that I'm in this place.

I don't write my dreams anymore unless I find them important in the sense that they are unfinished or they are a part of a larger dream. But here they all are. It's like being in the stock room for Indian textiles, clothing and such...colours and patterns of dreams, so many that I can't see where I am, what's behind them. I feel like it's a mess, there's way too many dreams in here. So I start cleaning them up.

I pick up one about this chipmunk, and as I look at it, it looks like a piece of fabric with an animated scene...and I remember, "oh yeah, I was 7, and I had this dream at Uncle R's". I get the feeling and memory of the waking time. He lived in a trailer in VT. I remember the woods around and this path with an old shed. And there was a really big nest of yellow jackets in there that I found and when he tried to get it down he was swarmed and got stung really badly. There was no phone and the nearest neighbor was far away, and I had to run far to get someone, and my lungs were burning and my legs felt like lead after I stopped running. And they got to him in time.

I'm holding this chipmunk dream, and dreaming the day memory in this dream where I stand. I almost got lost in this memory dream, but as soon as I realized that I was getting sucked into it, I folded it and was not carried away by it.

So I start going through these dreams, dreaming the day memories, then folding them up. I have a bunch to get rid of, and just a few that I would like to look at again before I toss them. But what will I do with them? Where can I get rid of these old dreams? And I almost got sucked into that thought too...and said, No...I want to see where I am...back to it...

Some dreams I find are silly, but the dream leads to a day dream that's pretty bad, and I am seeing things that I didn't remember. Some dreams don't have a whole day memory as a scene, but they only have an image in their day memory.

The ones I want to toss, as I add more the pile doesn't get any bigger, it's like they are fading from the bottom of the pile. That's cool :) And a flash of fear that I will loose the ones I want to keep...and then laughing at myself because that will make it happen...

Some dreams I keep are the ones where there is fog between this dream and the day memory dream.

There are these odd dreams, 3 of them, of things that I don't know about, and they have no waking day memories, they feel like thicker fabric, like canvas and not the Indian textiles, and they are not animated.

There are figures in them who are looking at me. I won't describe them because I don't think I should, but it's like one more insideout...with these canvas dreams, they are a dream which I'm holding in this dream, but they are not my dream, they are the dream of these figures I see, and they are seeing me, I am part of their memory? It's not like that though, it's like they are watching me, in my dreams. And now they know that I see them. They come with a feeling, it's a feeling I remember, and it is soothing...it starts in my heart and spreads out through me.

The dreams that are still scattered about fade and I have these three dreams and those that I wanted to save for later.

I see where I am, it's that cave I've been looking for. I hang the three dreams and put the others aside. I lay down on the floor and look up. This is what I've been looking for, the lines of the rock there and I can see pictures in them. These pictures are not a dream.

Now I am awake, I slept for 12 hours, and I feel like I was pressed through one of those old hand crank clothes wringers. Not that I'm drained, but that most of the static energy has been squeezed out.