Twisting Iceburg into the Mall

May 7, 2006

I'm under water - swimming towards an iceburg and it's beautiful. 

The way the colours are, and the shades of blue getting deeper. 

Then it begins to twist, like being inside of a bread bag and seeing the plastic twist as the bag closes - but this was not being inside, it was in front of me. 

The twisting of the texture, the bumps and crevises, they all stayed smooth like ice underwater, but twisting, forming lines and patterns of the blues and whites. It seemed to glow from light coming through the ice. 

The twisting was pulling me into it - to the centre of the star roof it seemed. 

It was going to bring me into it, and so I pushed the water with my hands to stay back from that because I knew it was going to the mall and I didn't want to go into that dream again. 

I must have been too close because it sucked me into it. Then I'm thinking, 'maybe it will be somewhere else'...but I landed in the mall. 

I'm thinking, 'oh man, now what?' 

So I just sat down on the floor to lean on the wall, and took my journal and pen out...I guess I had brought it swimming. Then I wrote what had happened so far, and I was thinking, 'I wonder if this will be there in my journal when I wake up' 

I just sat there this time to wait and see if anything happened. Nothing did that I was aware of. No movement, and the only sound there is that low electrical humming that is heard in buildings like that in the night, The current from alarms and things. But it's daytime. 

Usually in this mall I walk, there is red in many places for the winter and holidays maybe. It has that 'winter feel' to it, trying to be cozy. 

The first time I was looking for mittens. But there are no stores open, it's not really a mall, but it is. 

There are shops to my left & things in the middle to my right. Benches with red fake flowers and a red carpet by them...then a water fountain that is not on...and a sky-light which is very large. 

When I reach the sky-light these three things repeat and it will just go on forever this way. 

I have tried to walk to the end, and it doesn't come. 

I have tried walking down far and turning to walk back & see if it changes things, but they are the same in reverse, and I don't get back to the door I came in. (although this time was a different way in) 

The only thing different about going back is that the shops are on my right. 

And going back there are shadows of people. As if the mall were open, and there are people doing their thing, but I'm only seeing faint traces of them. 

They are not dead, not 'shadow people', not alien, they are people. 

It seems that I am the one in a different place, I'm the one who is in this shadow mall- they are in another one & I can only see them as shadowy people. I know they are people, but they can't see. 

They don't see me, and they can't hear me or feel me. 

Their shadows have no substance or feeling. I have touched them, walked through them, spoken to them, yelled very loud to them...but there is nothing. 

I don't know what that mall is about, but I get tired of being there. I don't even go that often, but when I know I'm going I don't want to. 

And now that I'm writing it, I am maybe seeing what it's about. 

There are other things I could try there, like sitting on the bench, or falling asleep there. 

I could turn on the fountain if I find the room with the panels to turn it on, or go to the other side of the middle which is usually dark & does not take my attention. 

There must be a reason I go there that I have not found yet, or am finding right now...