Train & Hair Tie

2006

I have been working on this thing for about a year, maybe more. 

It is pretty hard to explain, but I will try. 

What it is, is the times in dreaming, where I am lucid, and then my energy drops off for a bit, and I then become lucid in another dream. 

I feel that I have lost time. Not lost it, but not noticed it. Not a conscious changing of dreams. 

What I have been doing, is practicing being lucid while I am physically awake. It is not as easy as it sounds, for me at least, because I have a hard time staying focused. 

There is being lucid physically, and in an energy state...but to be both all through the day, it takes very much energy for me. 

At the end of the day, I will recall the day, just like when I wake physically, and I recall dreams...I see the day as another sort of dream, and when I recall it, I can find the times when I was not lucid. 

I catch myself in the day, and become lucid, when I was not...just the way people do in dreaming. 

I have found that there are certain times of day when I have an energy drop, and forget to stay lucid...and if I look into those times, there is usually a hidden memory tangled in it. Something which happened at that time, either once traumatic, or repeatedly dulling. These things create energy fluctuation patterns, that can be altered. 

While doing this, I have had many sorts of lucid dreams about it, but not doing it. 

Dreams about animated dreams on dream fabric, which held waking memories... 

Dreams of dreaming dream mandalas, where I was drawing dreams on dream fabric, and creating dream mandalas... 

Seeing how dreams together create a larger dream... 

Dreams of the energy weaving of dreams... 

But last night, I brought it into the dream. 

I became aware of where I was sort of slowly. It was a regular dream which I don't recall, until a man that I know, and don't know, surprised me by coming to visit. 

I have had other dreams with him where we were doing things and there was not the feeling of surprise. 

I was so happy to see him, and he kept asking me odd things that did not relate, which made me smile  

He asked me how we were going to get to this town I used to live in, suddenly, as if we had spoken about it, but it was new. So, I picked a way that could not be, to see what happened. 

I said 'we will have to take the train', and there it appeared. Not suddenly, but as if it had always been there, the way dreams move. But there is no way a physical train could get to where we were going if it was in the physical. There are bits of an old train track from the whaling times, but not one which goes all the way. 

The one road going there was layed over the tracks. 

So, it was a monorail, mixed with something like an amtrack style, and an old fashion style. There was a raised platform with a cement base, but the old ticket house I used to hang out in in the physical...old wood from ships which were taken apart. 

But it was not a transportation dream, it was about time, and speed. 

Then he said, 'you might want to put your hair up'...huh? 'I never really put my hair up, I don't even have a hair tie' 

But he did, two of them, a black one, and a blue one, on his wrist. He smiled and handed me the blue one. 

Then we were looking for the signs which would say when the train would leave, but there were no signs. We began asking the people around, but they were not responsive. 

Another thing I have been doing lately, is putting myself into waiting in dreams. It is harder for me to stay lucid while waiting. So, it was going to be a while before the train left. 

We were sitting on this bench, not speaking, but discussing something. Then, the next I knew, I was walking down this old dirt road. 

There was a kid, who had something skinny and shiney in his hand, and I felt it was sharp. He was 'playing' with this smaller kid, by pretending to jab it at him, and they were sort of wrestling. 

I asked him, 'what is that?', and he said it was just a pen, but it was not. 

Then a bit further down the road, there was this guy who was killing people off to the right, and as I was walking, next there was another guy sitting in the doorway of a parked eighteen wheeler, he was eating. 

Over a ways, was another young boy playing with rocks, I knew it was his son. So I mentioned that he may want to bring his son into the truck, because there was a guy killing people just a ways back. 

He said thanks, and called him. I may as well have said that there was a good song on the radio, the way I said it, and he responded. 

Then I knew I was forgetting. I had the nagging feeling that I was not remembering, and I should be somewhere else. It is like amnesia must feel. and it happens to me physically awake too, about certain memories. 

I am just walking down this road, and my head is hurting from trying to get into the memory. What is it, where am I supposed to be...and everything around is not real looking...it is dull in it's energy. And there was only the road and trees... 

Then I get to this bridge/highway going left to right, across ways, and I find myself on the other side of it. I am still trying to remember, and when I look at the bridge, there is a pattern in the cement it is made of. 

But it is a pattern from the fabric of these flip flops that I really did not like. Someone had them on yesterday, and there was something about it that I just felt. 

I recognized the pattern, and then because it had to do with the day, I recalled that day, in the dream. I knew I would remember where I was supposed to be, if I did this. I recalled the day, and then I began recalling the dreams I already had in this night. 

And it worked. I remembered. But I was not so happy with myself. 

I am in this dream, in the trees there saying, "Shoot, I did it again! I am going to miss the train, and he is waiting there? I can't believe I fell asleep and left him there." 

But the bridge was just there, there was no sign of the train, or platform. And I felt lost because how would I find another dream...but I just felt that I would, and I did not need to know how. 

When I crossed the highway, it was on the other side of the bridge, to the left, which was now right. And there were small houses, made from odd things. Two kids were playing ball, tossing it against this old rusty bulkhead, which was at an angle, and out of place with no water. 

I asked them where was the train, and they pointed. I could not see it, and it was turning dusk. Then there were two other people, and I asked them. They pointed, and then it was dark. I could see the lights over there, from the platform. 

I went there, and as soon as I stepped onto the cement, it was day again. I walked to the bench and he was there, and then I was sitting where I had been before, and I told him what happened. 

He did not mind though. He said that it can happen in dreaming. 

Funny that I did not notice while I was 'lost', that I had my hair up. It was up too, so if I had just noticed that...